A Story a Day Keeps the Boredom Away
by MaddNin17
Summary: A collection of One Piece oneshots. A mixture of Angst, Friendship, Humor, and Horror featuring all kinds of pirate crews throughout the Grand Line and beyond.
1. Poison

Poison

_M- This is the first, of hopefully, many oneshots. One Piece is quickly becoming my one favorite manga to read and I have just so many things I want to write about it, so I'm going to start here with one shots, because they're easier and I'm less likely to give up on them haha... anyway, enjoy. _

* * *

To everyone who had ever met him, they all thought the same thing.

He was like a disease; a horrifying, life-altering, disease that never went away.

It was obvious he infected everyone he came across, sparing no one. It was the things he did and the stuff he said that left a lasting impression. Some good, some bad. When you met him once, you never forgot him, it was impossible. He left you changed, far from what you were before. It may be impossible to see the changes at first, but when you look back, you realize something…

Monkey D. Luffy was a poison, infecting everything and everyone he came across and you wonder how you lived without him in the first place.


	2. We're Not to Blame

We're Not to Blame

* * *

He was turning out to be one of the most annoying men to the World Government.

Not only had he defeated two Shichibukai, destroyed an entire island owned by the World Government and held three of the World Nobles hostage, he had even gone as far as to declare war upon the Government. They knew that in a few years, Monkey D. Luffy was going to be one of the most wanted men in the world. Just like his father was now, but Luffy didn't care.

Luffy didn't care what the World Government did or thought about him. They could raise his bounty all they wanted, but Luffy liked that, the future King of pirates had to have a higher bounty than everyone else. They could send as many people after him as they wanted, he'd just beat them all to prove who was stronger. Luffy only fought against the World Government because they had threatened the lives of his nakama. Everything he did, every breath he took, it was always for them. Even if it meant fighting against the strength of the entire world, he would gladly go to battle in a second if it meant protecting his friends.

Standing atop the crow's nest on the Thousand Sunny, with the sun shinning down on him and making the endless sea glitter like a million diamonds all around him, Luffy was reminded of why he fought so hard to protect his nakama.

He could see Usopp on the grassy-deck below. He was talking excitedly, his eyes bright while a grin stretched across his face. Chopper, his pink hat moving back and forth as he whole-heartedly agreed with whatever it was Usopp was saying, was sitting in front of him while clinging onto every word that escaped from Usopp's lips. Luffy imagined he was telling Chopper about another one of his great adventures that he had probably not had.

Not far from them, Franky was making repairs to a hole that had been caused by a cannon ball, courtesy of the Marines from earlier that day. Normally, Franky would be joking around with the others and teaching them his awesome dance moves, but when he was working on the Thousand Sunny, it was like he had become a whole other person. He was caring and his face became soft, like he wasn't just taking care of a ship, it was like he was taking care of a real person.

Luffy turned his head slightly and the sounds of Brook's violin echoed from somewhere within the ship. He could just barely hear the hum of Brook's voice as he sung along with the energetic song he was playing. Luffy wondered why he would stay inside on suck a beautiful day, but then he reminded himself that Brook probably wasn't comfortable being in the sun yet. After all, he had been living most of his undead life being unable to step into sunlight without disappearing.

A gust of wind swept up from behind him, bringing the scent of oranges with it. Luffy turned and spotted Nami at the back of the ship, standing beside one of her orange trees. Her hand was resting against one of them as she spoke quietly to herself, or to some past ghost. A small, gentle smile was on her face, a look that he didn't often see, as she was normally shouting at the crew. He felt that was one of the few places she could escape the craziness the crew brought and find some peace. He grinned and then he turned to look directly below him.

Robin was sitting on the bench, a book in two hands and a cup of coffee in a third. She looked so relaxed and sophisticated as she just sat there in the shade reading her book, which was no doubt in a language Luffy probably couldn't understand. Luffy liked seeing her that way. He liked seeing her at peace with a book that was probably taking her far off into a completely different world, that way he didn't have to see that haunted, fearful, look she sometimes had. It was as if she was always looking over her shoulder, waiting for something horrible to happen.

On the other end of the bench, on the ground, was Zoro. His three swords were leaning against his chest as he sat back against the wall of the cabin. As usual, Zoro was sleeping, but Luffy didn't mind, he would wake up in an emergency…maybe. Though he did wonder how Zoro could sleep so much, just as Zoro probably wondered how Luffy could eat so much. As if he knew he was being thought about, Zoro lifted his head and looked blankly up at Luffy for a few seconds, then he smirked.

"Where to next, Captain?" Zoro called up, gathering the attention of the others who also turned their gazes up to Luffy.

"Shishishi," Luffy grinned down at them as his chest swelled with happiness. "Adventure of course!" He replied with a shout and those on deck gave varying degrees of a smile. Well, he actually didn't know where they were going next, but certainly there had to be adventured involved somewhere.

Below, Luffy spotted the door to the Cabin opening on the second floor and then Sanji stepped out, smoking on his cigarette. He looked proud and as cool as ever, a look he always had when he finished making a meal he was particularly proud of. Luffy's eyes widened as the smell of the meal reached his nose, more importantly, the smell of cooked meat.

"Food!" Luffy shouted happily as he placed one hand onto of his straw hat and leapt off the crow's nest. He wished that every day could be like this, not having to worry about the enemies or the World Government, but just watching his crew relaxing and eating Sanji's good cooking.

"Same old Luffy," Zoro muttered as he watched his captain rush into the kitchen while Sanji shouted behind him, saying that he had made lunch for only Nami and Robin and that everyone else was to make their own. There was a loud crash as Nami shouted: "Ladies first!" and Luffy landed in a bruised heap on the deck.

Luffy grinned as he rolled onto his back; his mouth completely stuffed with cooked meat and assorted other little things Sanji had prepared. Yes, he wished that everyday could be just like this one. But he knew this peace wouldn't last. All too soon, they'd be fighting and risking their lives again for the sake of each other or for some new friend they'd make along the way. Though this peace wouldn't last, Luffy would fight and protect his friends so that they could all have another moment of peace, another moment where they wouldn't have to worry about anything.


	3. In the Belly of the Beast

In the Belly of the Beast

* * *

He wished for death.

Every second, every hour, every day he wished that it all would end. Not because of the torture from the guards or because he thought that the agonizing screams from the other inmates were slowly beginning to drive him insane, but because he was sure if he died, everything would become better again. His death would make everything right.

If he died, Whitebeard wouldn't need to go to war with the Marines to get him back. His nakama wouldn't have to needlessly risk their lives just to try and save his. It was his fault that he had ended up here in the first place; he just wished they would leave him so he could face the consequences of his own foolish actions. He could handle being chained up in the darkest depths of Impel Down, the Great Prison, with his only company being those few criminals who the World Government wanted to erase all existence of and the rats and roaches who claimed this floor as home. He could handle the torture brought down upon him by the guards who brought him his food, which he was sure they had just pulled straight out of the trash. Their cold and mocking words, the kicks to his gut and side, the punches to his face, the blood he could feel all over his body, it was nothing compared to the sick feelings he got at the thought of losing his nakama. He just wanted to die because he couldn't handle becoming the reason as to why some of his friends would lose their lives. He wanted to die…

But he couldn't.

He had thought of suicide, a lot. It wouldn't take much, all he would have to do was bite his tongue and he would bleed out before the guards even knew what was wrong or he'd choke on his own blood, which ever came first, he'd be dead either way. No matter how many times he thought of it, got so close to doing it that he told himself there was no going back, that the pain of his teeth sinking into his tongue would only last a few short moments, he could never bring himself to do it. He just couldn't, because deep down, even though his brain was telling him it was the best choice, the guards kept telling him he was better off dead and other the inmates kept telling him to live because they wanted to see Whitebeard try and take down the Marines and the World Government, deep down, Portgas D. Ace was not ready to die. He still had unfinished business.

He still had to find Blackbeard. He had to catch that bastard for the sake of Thatch. Ace still couldn't believe that Blackbeard had killed him over a stupid Devil Fruit. He was also pissed that Blackbeard had been the one who had beaten him and handed him over to the Marines. As much as he hated to admit it, it only served to show how weak he was and he wasn't ready to avenge his friend yet. He would get stronger, if he got out of here. He also still had to make Whitebeard, the man he viewed as a father, the King of Pirates, even if that made Luffy's dream of becoming the King of Pirates near impossible.

He wondered what his little brother was up to. He knew that Luffy had been causing a lot of trouble for the World Government and he had been tacked with a three million beri bounty which could only serve to make an older brother proud. Did Luffy know what had happened to him yet? Did Luffy know that his "brother" was due to be executed? Even though he knew it was impossible now, Ace wished he could see his brother one last time and tell him how proud he was to be his older brother, incase he never got another chance to say anything to him.

With a frown and cold eyes, Ace watched as guards passed through the gloom in front of his cell, his cage. Wicked grins were the only thing he could see on them as they whispered and snickered while walking past his cage. One whispered loud enough for him to hear, a pleasant, drifting, whispered that echoed around in his mind. "Three days."

Three days from now, at three p.m. on the dot, Portgas D. Ace was due to be executed in front of the entire world.

He knew time was counting down to his death second by second and those same seconds marked Whitebeard's approach to Marine Ford, the place where Ace was due to be executed at. He didn't want them to come, even though he still wanted to live, there was a lingering, heavy, thought in the back of his mind that he wouldn't make it out of this alive. Still, he could feel a small spark of hope burning in his chest. It made him sick, that hopeful feeling he felt at the thought of his nakama, of his father, coming to save him, he felt he didn't have a right to feel that way.

He shouldn't have been happy at the thought of his family coming to save an idiot like him.

* * *

_m- (Spoiler Alert for anyone not up-to-date with the manga) I wrote this before I found out Ace died, that was so sad I cried :( Ace was, by far, my favorite character in One Piece._


	4. Dreams

_M- If you're not up-to-date with the manga (ch 583-588) then this is going to be a spoiler. You have been warned. _

_Anyway, I wrote this because I fell completely in love with Sabo's character and I can't believe that he's gone so soon :( I'm kind of hoping that Oda will bring him back and that he's not really dead.  
_

* * *

Dreams

_Ace and Luffy, you weren't injured in the fire, were you? I'm worried but I have faith that the two of you are alright. _

Sabo frowned slightly as his feathered pen hesitated over the paper. The same cold, sick, feeling washed over him as he remembered the orange glow that was just visible on the other side of the wall that surrounded the city. He could still hear the screams of those who lived in the Grey Terminal reverberating through his mind, though it seemed unlikely, he prayed they had all gotten away, that there had been some kind of miracle that night and no one had died. Anger washed over him and his hand tightened around his pen until his skin was white. He remembered how everyone in town had acted as the fires burned. He could have sworn they were almost giddy with joy. He didn't understand it, how could they have been so happy about destroying people's homes, their lives? Shaking his head, clearing his mind of his thoughts, he returned to the task at hand.

_I'm sorry, but by the time you get this letter, I will be at sea. _

Sabo smiled, his heart swelling in joy, as he read the last sentence. It wouldn't be long now, tomorrow in fact, before he was heading out to sea. He laughed quietly as he thought of it. He would be free. It would be the last time he would have to see this reached town and the horrible people who were no better than the trash which they tried to burn away. Especially his family, he wouldn't be sad to leave them again. He tugged at the starched and clean shirt which he had been forced in to. And of course he would be free of all this annoying clothing. He itched to get into his old clothing, his top hat, scarf and jacket which he had all hidden under his bed. His parents had tried to throw it all away, but he had rescued it from the trash before it could be sent to the Grey Terminal.

He could imagine it now, his life as a pirate. He'd have an amazing crew, the strongest of any seen since Gold Roger's. He would be strong, tall and very handsome. His friends would come first and he'd protect them with his life. He'd fight with the toughest of pirates and win every time. He'd have a ship capable of sailing to every island in the Grand Line and he'd be the captain of course. Giant Sea Kings would be no match for him, he would navigate his ship through the toughest of storms and enjoy partying on islands while telling stories of his adventures. He would meet up with Ace and Luffy again somewhere in the world and they would fight to see who had become the strongest. Three brothers. Three of the strongest pirate captains in the world. They would find One Piece and become the Pirate Kings. They would die legends. Sabo just hoped they'd understand why he was going to leave on his adventure before they did and that they didn't hold it against him.

_So much has happened, so I'm setting sail before you. My destination…is anywhere but this kingdom… there I'll get stronger and become a pirate. And when I'm a pirate, I'll be free, and someday we brothers will meet again. Somewhere on the wide, free sea, I promise!_

Sabo smiled as happy tears filled his eyes. He felt bad that he was leaving on his own. After all, he and Ace had spent five years trying to collect enough money to buy a ship of their very own. Though, now that Sabo thought of it, Ace probably wouldn't have left with him even if he had managed to collect enough money. Sabo knew he wouldn't leave Luffy behind and Luffy was a long way from being able to become a pirate. Sabo loved his little brother, and though he knew Luffy was strong, he would never survive on the sea as is. But Sabo knew Luffy would get stronger and that one day he would join him out on the sea.

_By the way, Ace, I wonder which of us is the eldest? It's strange to have two eldest brothers and one younger, but this bond is my greatest treasure. Luffy is still a weakling and a crybaby, but he's our little brother. Take care of him. _

Sabo slowly laid the pen down beside his letter. He wondered if he should have written more, but he shook his head, he'd have enough time to explain everything to them as soon as they met again on the sea. Smiling, he folded the letter before scribbling on the back: _Mt. Corbo. To My Brothers. Sabo._

He'd mail the letter first thing in the morning before anyone in his house was awake. Then all that would be left to do was to steal that fishing ship he had spotted down at the docks. He'd pay the poor owner back as soon as he became a famous pirate and earned his own money. Smiling, Sabo stood up from his desk and held the letter tightly in his hand as he moved towards his bed.

Tomorrow was going to be a good day.

It would be the day Sabo would finally be free.


	5. Lamentation

_M- So this one was a request story from Hi Hikari No Kaze, I know it's probably not exactly what she wanted, but I found it easier to write about Garp's emotions after the battle was over and he had time to think about what had happened. So I hope you enjoy it anyway ;]  
_

* * *

Lamentation

It was just some sick, horrible nightmare. It had to be.

_"I want you to kill me."_

Garp sat in the darkness of his office at Marine Headquarters as he had been all day. The normally energetic and fun-loving man was silent and nothing seemed capable of breaking it. Even when Sengoku himself had come pounding on the door, telling him to come out, he hadn't moved a muscle.

His eyes were heavy and distant as he stared down at his hands. Why hadn't he done anything? The question tortured his mind as he sat behind his desk. Why hadn't he tried harder? So what if he lost his job and was thrown into Impel Down for the remainder of his life, he knew that now, he wouldn't have cared what had happened to him. He should have been the one to save Ace's life, so what if he was a bloody pirate, he was… had been his grandson.

_"Bwahahaha!"_

_ "What's so funny, Garp? We're in the middle of an incident certain to shake this entire ocean and your fool of a grandson decides to make the situation even worse! Enies Lobby, the Tenryuubito incident and now this?_

"…_The iron walls of Impel Down have held flawlessly firm for the past twenty years! Why is it that the man to besmirch that record and become the first man ever to penetrate Impel Down is that blasted grandson of yours again, Garp?_

"…_You know, if it weren't for you being called the "Hero of the Marines", I'd make you take responsibility for your entire damned families actions right about now, Garp!" _

Garp raised a hand and rubbed his eyes wearily. Luffy had even done more than him to try and save Ace. He had risked his life more times than Garp knew to save his brother. And what had he done? He had just stood at the sidelines, laughing and joking with Sengoku. As he thought back, he had never really thought that Ace would ever have been executed. He was sure that Whitebeard, or possibly even Luffy, would have saved him from his fate. He had thought someone else would have taken care of it, so he didn't even move a muscle to help.

He made himself sick.

He should have done something though, but he knew why he hadn't.

He was a coward.

Hiding behind the power known as the Marines and the World Government, it was easy to be strong when people were telling you what to do and how to act. Even though he always mouthed off, told others that he only did what he wanted to do when he wanted to do it, he always, always, followed orders in the end. In the beginning, it had been easy working as a Marine. He was young, stupid and just trying to find his place. And where better to start than taking out pirates who harmed others and stole possessions just to satisfy their own pleasures? But things quickly began to change when Dragon, his son, became the leader of the Revolutionaries.

He had told himself that it was okay if his son was his enemy, after all, his son _was _trying to overthrow the World Government and create the world in the image that he wanted. He was already prepared to take down his son if he ever had too.

It wasn't until he received the news that Ace had become a pirate that he began to question his resolve as a Marine.

"_That insolent kid! How dare he become a pirate?" _

He wondered, back then, if there was someway that he could still force Ace to become a Marine, even though his decision about becoming a pirate seemed pretty solid. That way he could keep a better eye on the boy he had promised Gol D. Roger he would protect. But when Ace began to grow in fame, his bounty seeming to rise by the minute, Garp knew there was no way that boy could become a Marine. That's when he put the idea of making Ace a Shichibukai in the World Government's head. He thought that would be prefect, surely Ace would want to have all the freedom of being a pirate without a bounty hanging over his head. Garp didn't entirely understand why Ace refused and only a few months later joined Whitebeard's crew.

Then, he received the news that Luffy had finally become a pirate also. He was devastated and angry. Why had both of his grandchildren decided to throw their lives away to become pirates? If they wanted to be free, why not join the Marines? They were right, they were justice, they were the ones who kept the world at peace.

They were the ones who hunted down, killed, and imprisoned pirates who they deemed as threats.

The World Government viewed both Monkey D. Luffy and Portgas D. Ace as threats that needed to be eliminated.

He was glad, as much as he hated to admit it, that Ace had been taken into Whitebeard's crew. Though he was still a pirate, he was better protected aboard his ship. No one harmed a member of Whitebeard's crew and lived to tell about it. Ace was safer there than he was with the Marines. At least he thought he was, until he had witnessed Ace himself, bloodied and bruised while kneeling upon the executioner's platform.

_"My child, who is yet to be born, bears no sin, Garp! Take care of him for me!" _

He should have fought to save Ace. He should have thrown everything away for that boy. Still, he held onto the wish that both Ace and Luffy would still become Marines… how idiotic.

Even when Garp had seen how close the First Division Commander of the Whitebeard Pirate's, Marco the Phoenix, was to rescuing Ace, he still refused to do anything to help him. He should have just let Marco save Ace. But they were pirates and he was the "Hero of the Marines." He had no sympathy for pirates, even if they were trying to save the life of his grandson. Instead of standing silently by, he had punched Marco, sending him, and any chance of saving Ace, away.

_"If you want to get past, you'll have to kill me! Brats!" _

Now, as he sat here in the dark, tears streaming down his face and anger causing his body to tremble, he wished they had. Then again, he still had to kill that bastard Akainu. That was at least one thing he could do for his grandson. He would kill that bastard for revenge and to keep him from going after Luffy. Even if he was executed for it or imprisoned in Impel Down, he wouldn't care. Luffy was all he had left now, and he wasn't going to let anyone kill him too.

Only if Sengoku hadn't held him back, Ace's death would have been avenged. Only if he hadn't been such a coward and had taken things into his own hands…

"Ace…" A quiet sob ripped through the silence of the room as Garp's shoulder's shook violently. "…why couldn't I protect you?"


	6. Little Blue Bird

_M- First of all, I want to thank my two reviewers: Kiarra-Chan and Hi Hikari No Kaze and I'm glad that that you two like my one-shots so much. _

_And to Hi Hikari No Kaze, I would be happy to take another request from you and it just so happens I was already working on the very thing you were requesting haha ;). It will be the next one I post after this one. _

_If anyone has any requests for one-shots, I'd be happy to write them if you wish. They can be whatever you want, romance, friendship, adventure, etc._

* * *

Little Blue Bird

She wished that she could just turn into a bird and fly away. She would become a small little blue bird and after stretching her new-found wings, she would fly off into a sun-lit sky. Her life would be peaceful, flying above the clouds, gliding over lakes of crystal blue water, and she would never stop flying until everyone in the world forgot about her.

She wanted to be anywhere other than where she was right now.

Nico Robin's lungs felt as if they were going to explode from lack of oxygen, she'd say her bare feet hurt from all the running, but she could hardly feel them right now, a blessing because she had to keep running. The cuts to her face, arms and legs stung bitterly as sweat ran into them, they were a combination of her own stumbles and sword wounds from those who were after her. They were a painful reminder of why she needed to continue on, she didn't want to be hurt anymore.

"_Live! Robin!" _

"_Run wif all yer might! Even though yer alone now sumday, surely, yer gonna meet yer "nakama." Yer "nakama" will appear to protect you!" _

Tears began to run with the sweat on Robin's face as she swatted another tree branch out of her way. She wondered over and over again about what there was to live for.

She was a monster. No one would ever want her. She would never have friends or a family again. She was going to be alone, running forever, for the rest of her life. She would be running away from everything and everyone. Like now, she was running through another forest on another unnamed island as the villagers and Marines chased after her.

Everyone wanted her dead now, hated her, because she wanted to uncover the mysteries of the past. Because she could understand things most people could not, the World Government wanted her dead for that.

"_This is the world's greatest library! Books from all over the world are gathered here! These are really something worth living for!"_

"_Be proud, Robin! Ohara's honorable!" _

"_We shouldn't give up, on the future that you'll be living!" _

Robin sobbed as tears and snot ran down her face. Even though her friends and family were gone, she wouldn't give up. Not until she found out what the poneglyphs they gave their lives for said. She would avenge their deaths in her own way, not by killing those who killed them, but by exposing what they wanted to keep so desperately hidden. She wouldn't stop living until she discovered what happened during the Void Century and she exposed her knowledge to the world.

Then after that, she would fly away, vanish and let the world forget about her. She would live in peace, free from all the hatred in the world.


	7. Bet

_M- Yeah, I know this isn't one about Whitebeard and his crew, sorry sorry, but I had most of it written and then I just didn't like how it turned out -_- I haven't given up on it and it's definitely going to come out eventually. _

_Anyway, thanks to my two reviews again :] You guys are the best. Um... this one-shot was kind of the spur of the moment thing... and I'm pretty sure I'm going to get shot for this one... _

_Yeah, sorry in advance haha ^~^  
_

* * *

Bet

Ace peeked out through the crack in the closet door to find the faces of many of the crew members staring at him. Oh how he wished he could wipe all those grinning smirks from their faces. He narrowed his eyes and shut the door with a sharp snap.

"Come on, Ace!" One of the crew members shouted from outside as he leaned his back against the door and glared into the darkness. "You lost the bet! Now you have to pay for it!"

"Screw you guys! I'm not coming out!" Ace shouted defiantly. He didn't care what kind of bet he had made; he wasn't going to do this. Getting into this thing was bad enough; there was no way in hell he was actually going to go outside. How the hell had he lost the bet in the first place? It was a food eating contest for heavens sake! He should have won. Who would have believed that Marco could pack away more food than he could? Maybe he shouldn't have fallen asleep…

"You're not getting off that easy, Kid!"

Ace shouted out in surprise as the closet door was thrown open and hands grabbed him from behind, pulling him outside. Laughter echoed around him as the hands continued to drag him out to the deck of the ship. He tried his hardest not to look down.

"Get the fuck off me!" Ace shouted as he struggled, but his attempts were useless. He glared as he tried to turn into fire to get away, but it wouldn't work, and he looked over his shoulder.

Marco was grinning evilly as he dug his hand into Ace's shoulder. Damn Haki user.

Finally, they came to a stop and Ace was stood in front of the massive door that led back underneath the ship. Marco kept a careful hand on his shoulder so he wouldn't escape. Ace glared at everyone around him. Most, if not all, of the crew surrounded them. They were all laughing uncontrollably as they stared at Ace and the outfit he wore.

"All you have to do is say what I told you too and then you can take that thing off, okay?" Marco said as he smirked at Ace who only looked at him venomously.

"You are so going to die for this." Ace hissed and Marco laughed as he shook his head.

"Next person to walk out of that door," Marco said as he pointed at it, "you tell them that, okay?"

Ace was silent, fuming in anger. But he didn't move from his spot, assuming that he agreed to the terms.

It seemed like forever before the door was opened.

"Oh God…" Ace paled as the figure emerged. Marco's eyes widened as amusement shined on his face.

"What is…" Whitebeard stood in the doorway. His voice faded away as he spotted his sons crowded around the door, more importantly, as he spotted Ace standing in front of him. "What the hell are you wearing?" He demanded as he stared down at Ace.

Ace was dressed in a sparkly red cocktail dress that barely came down to his knees. His face looked as if a little five-year-old had attacked him with makeup. His lips were thick with red lipstick and his eyes were covered in blue eye shadow. His hair had also been pulled into two ponytails, the hairties used to make them even had little purple unicorns on them. To fill in for his lack of boobs, two toilet paper rolls had been stuffed down the front of his dress. Ace looked like he was going to be sick as he opened his mouth.

"Does… Does this dress make me look fat?"

The crew began pissing themselves with laughter as Whitebeard roared: "Go take that off!"

Ace didn't hesitate in disappearing back beneath the ship. He would never be able to live that humiliation down.

* * *

_Again, I completely apologize for this one shot haha_


	8. Seat Covers

_M- Haha, yeah so this one is to make up for the last one, even though no one's read that yet. Of course this won't make up for the last one if you're a fan of Rob Lucci..._

* * *

Seat Covers

There were very few things that disturbed the emotionless rock known as Rob Lucci. He was a man of few words and even fewer actions. Many people who knew him, or knew of him, thought he was ruthless and even slightly feared him. After all, he was a man who was quiet capable of killing almost every person who crossed his path… Except Monkey D. Luffy, but that had been a sore time for Lucci and he would rather not think of that.

At the moment, Rob Lucci (who was no longer a CP9 agent and had taken his life on the road at the moment) was currently passing through some unnamed town. He felt, if the man could feel, almost happy as those other idiots he had been tagging along with were stuck back at the hotel they had been staying at. Hattori, his bird companion, tweeted as he flapped his wings to grab Lucci's attention.

"What is it?" He wondered aloud as he looked to where his bird was frantically pointing with his wing. His gaze led him to a large display window crowded with people. He could barely make out the sign that hung in the window.

_**BRAND NEW FROM THE TROPICAL ISLAND OF…**_

Lucci frowned as a rather large woman moved to stand in front of the sign, but his interest in what everyone seemed to be obsessed over was captured. Moving forward, while pushing a little girl with an ice-cream cone to the ground in the process, he moved to stand in front of the crowd.

He froze at what he saw.

A small bald man, obviously the store owner, was bustling around inside the large display case and moving things around for better display… Things that would forever be burned into Rob Lucci's mind forever.

His dark eyes widened as he looked at two perfectly ordinary chairs. They seemed harmless enough, made from some kind of dark wood that had been shined up to perfection and carved with a steady hand. The back was straight and it was armless, but Lucci didn't care about the chair, he was much more horrified by what was on it, the seat cover to be exact.

It was leopard-printed.

He quickly looked at the sign that hung above him, praying that his fears weren't true.

_**BRAND NEW FROM THE TROPICAL ISLAND OF ESIDARAP! LEOPARD-PRINT SEAT COVERS! MADE WITH REAL LEOPARD! **_

"What the hell!" Lucci suddenly shouted. Hattori ruffled his feathers and tweeted madly at Lucci at the sudden uncharacteristic shout.

Those crowded around the glass suddenly all began screaming as Lucci, thanks to the powers of his Devil Fruit, transformed into his leopard-human hybrid form. He wasn't going to let them get away with this.

(Back at the Hotel)

"Where the hell is Lucci?" Kalifa muttered in anger as she paced around the hotel room. Kaku watched her with a frown. God, that woman was annoying, one mission as the secretary of some mayor and she thought she owned the world.

"Who cares where he went?" Kaku said, hoping that he could get her to sit down and shut up. "He'll be back whenever he feels like…" His words trailed off as he heard the sound of heavy footsteps from outside the door.

Before any in the room could think of who it was, the door flew open with a kick and Rob Lucci walked in.

They all stared at him in shock, tears were streaming down his normally emotionless face and he was carrying two leopard-printed chairs under either arm.

"I couldn't leave them there," he blubbered, "I just couldn't! They're my family!"

All were speechless as they stared at the former CP9 agent.

* * *

_I'm kind of in a humor-mode at the moment :]_


	9. All Your Fault

_M- This kind of just popped into my head and I had to write it, haha. At first, I wanted the two running away from giant man-eating bunnies and Zoro didn't want to fight them because he secretly loved little fluffy bunnies... lol but that was stupid so I wrote this instead, much better in my opinion. ;]_

_Oh and thank you to my reviewers _

_Kiarra-Chan, I think that's completely hilarious, I think he'd love it as long as your mascot wasn't made from a real leopard haha_

_JuuichiNoChoushinsei, you're the second person to tell me that this story needs more reviews, lol _

_Hi Hikari No Kaze, Thank you ;] and I'm already working on your requests haha, sorry they're taking so long to get out, these ones just kind of keep popping into my head. _

_Kallakkara, I'm glad you liked it  
_

* * *

All Your Fault

There were only a few things that Roronoa Zoro didn't like.

One was that stupid perverted cook.

Two was being handcuffed to that same perverted cook while trying to run for his life.

"Run faster you stupid Moss-head!" Sanji shouted over his shoulder as he leaped over a fallen tree trunk. Zoro scrambled over it as Sanji nearly ripped his arm straight off while yanking on the cuffs that connected the two. He fixed narrowed, angered eyes at the back of the blond-haired man's head.

"Wait!" Zoro shouted as he reached down and gripped on of the swords that were tied to his waist. Obviously, for good reason, Sanji didn't stop but kept running as he looked over his shoulder.

"Are you actually going to fight now?" Sanji asked, almost relieved though slightly irritated that he hadn't done so earlier.

"No!" Zoro shouted as he unsheathed his sword. "I'm gonna cut you hand off so we can get out of these things!"

"Like hell you are!" Sanji shouted at him. "Why don't you cut your hand off?"

"I still need mine, idiot!"

"And you think I don't?" Sanji yanked his arm forward and out of harms way, unfortunately, the force of his pull unbalanced Zoro. "You idiot!" Sanji shouted as the man fell face down into the dirt and Sanji was yanked backwards.

"Sanji~kun! Zoro~san! Come back!"

Sanji's face paled as he looked back the way they had come. Zoro raised his head, his eyes were wide and sweat was running down his face as he looked over his shoulder.

"Get up!" Sanji shouted in terror as he yanked at Zoro's arm. "For Godsake's get up you stupid Moss-head!"

The sounds of many footsteps pounding against the ground echoed around them as Sanji practically dragged Zoro through the dirt while trying to get him to his feet. Finally scrambling to his feet, Zoro took off running, in the wrong direction of course.

"Where the hell are you going?" Sanji shouted as Zoro made a beeline through the trees to his left. "The ship is the other way! The _other _way!"

"No it's not!" Zoro shouted back at the panicking man. "It's this way!"

"How would you know? Your sense of direction is as good as a rock!"

Zoro glared as he continued to pull Sanji through the maze of trees. This was all the perverted cooks fault. He didn't know how, but Zoro felt better when he blamed all his misfortune on someone else, especially Sanji.

"Why are they chasing us?" Sanji shouted in despair as the sounds of people shouting after them filled the air. "I… I didn't want it to end like this…" Suddenly, Sanji slammed into Zoro's back as the swordsman came to a quick stop. "What the…" Sanji began angrily but his voice died away as he spotted the large mountain that was sitting in front of them. Silence lasted between the two for only a few moments. "This is exactly why you shouldn't be let off the boat!" Sanji screamed at him.

"Well, if you—!"

"SANJI-KUN! ZORO-KUN!"

Sanji and Zoro both spun around as many bodies crashed through the forest behind the and into the small clearing. They were all girls and a few looked suspiciously like men dressed as girls. Most seemed to be young, probably no older than twelve and a few teenagers, but most were older women. All wore the same, heart-filled expression as they stared at the two men.

"Fangirls…" Sanji shuddered as he looked at them. He may have liked women, but Fangirls were a whole other species unto themselves. They were monsters. Horrible creatures that wrote life-scaring stories that should never have been allowed to exist.

"Sanji," Zoro said quietly as he sheathed his sword, "if we don't make it out of this…"

"Oh! Oh!" One of the Fangirls began screaming as she pointed at the two of them. "Zoro's going to confess his undying love for Sanji! He's gonna do it! I know he is!"

The whole group let out an accumulative "Aw~" as they looked at the two men in an endearing way. All heads bent to the side as they clasped their hands in front of them.

Sanji looked as if he was going to be sick and Zoro continued talking, as if they hadn't just said the most horrifying thing he had ever heard.

"If we die…I'M KICKING YOUR ASS ON THE OTHER SIDE!"


	10. This Age Is

_M- Ah, finally I got this finished :] This one-shot is dedicated to Hi Hikari No Kaze because she asked for it.  
_

* * *

This Age Is…

Marco the Phoenix stood in a somber silence as he stared at the graves before him. Flowers of all shapes, colors and sizes surrounded and covered them, sending a suffocating sweet scent through the air as the wind picked up. As the wind moved around them, a heavy flapping sound filled the air. A large bisento was stuck in the middle of the larger grave which had a white and red coat and the Whitebeard pirate flag tied onto it. Marco felt gratitude and sorrow rush through him as he stared at the places were his brother and father rested.

"Red Hair, I don't know how to thank you." Marco said quietly after a moment. Standing beside him, the captain of the Red Hair Pirates, Shanks, looked over at the new captain of the Whitebeard Pirates.

"Don't worry about it. He may have been my enemy, but Whitebeard was a man who commanded respect." Shanks gave a small smile as he stared at the largest grave. He glanced at the smaller one and felt a frown tug at his face. "Well, we better be off now."

"Yeah," Marco said quietly, "thank you."

Shanks only smiled as he turned and began to walk away, his black cloak whipping around him. Marco looked over his shoulder and watched him go. He felt his eyes grow heavy as he stared at the mass of people who crowded the land at the bottom of the small hill he was standing on. The sea of Whitebeard Pirates parted, showing their respect, as Shanks walked towards them. Marco wondered, as he stared at them, did he really have the power to lead them like Pops did?

He looked back forward to face the larger grave. Still, even though it had been weeks since the war had ended, he couldn't believe that both Pops and Ace were really gone. And still, he couldn't shake that sense of regret and failure that hung over him. He was sure he wasn't the only one who felt that way either. They had all gone to Marineford to save Ace from his execution, but in the process they had lost even more nakama, their ship, even Ace and finally Pops. How were they ever supposed to recover from that? How was he supposed to lead the crew without Pops, how was he ever supposed to gain the same kind of respect that Pops had?

Pops had been, without a doubt, the strongest man in the world and he could destroy it if he so wished. He had been the one who was always closest to One Piece, but he had never gone after it for himself, even though he knew where it was and how to get there. There were many people who hated him, admired him, feared him, but he hadn't cared. Many people fought with him, seeking fame and to go down in history as the one who brought the strongest man in the world down from his throne, but he had beaten them all. He had too. What would have happened to his family if he died? To those who didn't know him, he was ruthless, a man with no fear or sympathy, unstoppable. He was the "Whitebeard."

To those who had known him, he was a father, an honorable man, one who had taken others under his wing when the whole world had hated them, thrown them aside to be forgotten. He had given them what they wanted most in the world. He had given them a sense of belonging; a family when most had none. He called them his "sons." To the great and all-powerful Whitebeard, that had been his greatest treasure, a family that he could call his own. He had no desire for riches or fame, after all, he couldn't watch those things grow up to become the leaders of tomorrow and they would just fade away with time. He had found something that would last far longer than any material possession.

He had been a man who would have done everything in his power for his sons. He would have given his own life. And he did. He had given up everything for them to make sure that they lived.

When one of his sons, Thatch, had been murdered by a man who was supposed to be his nakama, Whitebeard had sworn that he would avenge his son and show _that _man that one can't cross the world without morality. But when another of his sons, Ace, ran after that man, thoughts of revenge had been overpowered by a horrible feeling that something wasn't right. He had tried to get Ace to stay, but that kid was so hot-headed he didn't see the danger before him. Thatch was a friend and brother to him, and _that _man had been in his division, so there was no stopping him. When news reached Whitebeard and the rest of the crew that Ace had been defeated by _that _man and handed over to the Marines to be executed, fighting that feeling that something was wrong, he gathered together his sons and allies to get Ace back. Even if it meant fighting against the entire world, he promised himself he wouldn't lose another son to _that _man.

Marco remembered all too well the moment he had watched Ace fall at the hands of Akainu. He should have been able to stop that man from killing his nakama. Only if he hadn't been wearing those damn seastone handcuffs... he could have saved Ace, like he saved Ace's little brother. He remembered the tears that fell down Pops' face at the sight of Ace's death and Marco wished there was something he could have done, but it was too late now.

Then _that _bastard showed up, the one who had started the whole war in the first place. Marco had wanted to fight him himself, make _that _man pay for all the pain he had caused, but Pops had told him to stay out of it, so he had. Then Pops had done something that he had never done before. He had told _that _man he was no longer a son of his, something that no one would argue against, before he tried to kill him to avenge both Thatch and Ace.

Marco wouldn't, couldn't, forget the feeling or loss or the tears he had when he watched _that _man kill his father.

But it wasn't because _that _man was strong. He was weak, he was a coward and he had no morals. He showed tears, fear, before death, something that most men carrying the initial D never did. Then he had the stupidity to declare that this Age was his, Blackbeard's.

This wasn't his Age and it never would be, no matter how much strength he got after stealing Pops' power.

This Age is Whitebeard's.


	11. Time of Dying

_M- This was just something I thought of while listening to Time of Dying __by Three Days Grace__, the song just reminded me of what Roger said to Rayleigh after disbanding his crew._

* * *

_Time of Dying~_

Rayleigh remembered his words, almost as clearly as if the man was standing right before him, saying them. He remembered the way his mustache twitched as his face split into a grin, a grin that made everyone think he was cocky and fearless. His tone had been clear, like he really believed the words he was speaking. Well, at least Rayleigh had anyway.

_"I won't die, Partner." _

Rayleigh tipped his head back as he downed the last of the beer in his glass before he slammed it down on the counter before him. The base of it cracked at the force of the blow and Rayleigh pushed it away to join the small group of broken mugs that had accumulated beside him.

Shakky said nothing as she slowly inhaled on the cigarette in her mouth and grabbed another one from beneath the counter to fill with beer. Smoke escaped from her mouth and nose before curling up to the ceiling as she watched the brown liquid run from the tap and swirl into the mug. It wasn't like she wasn't angry about the fact that he was destroying all her good mugs, she was, and she knew that he would probably never pay her back for new ones, but this time, it was okay. As she pushed the beer to the flush-faced man, he began talking.

"You know," Rayleigh spoke, but it was hard to tell if he was speaking to himself or Shakky, his eyes seemed far off as he stared down at the beer, "Roger was like my brother. A very hotheaded, violent brother I'll admit, but he had his moments." He paused as he gulped down almost half the glass of beer. "I would have given my life for that man without a single thought or regret. I spent the best years of my life traveling with Roger and the rest of the crew." He hesitated. "I wonder where those two idiots Shanks and Buggy have gone off too. I think it'd be a miracle if they ever survived out in the world. Always fighting about the stupidest things those too…"

"If they were a part of the Pirate King's crew, then I'm sure they'll be fine." Shakky said quietly as she moved to throw away the broken glasses. Rayleigh laughed at her words and he smiled as he spoke.

"Gol D. Roger, the Pirate King. For that title alone, Roger braved the seas of the Grand Line and the New World. He always was a man who loved flashy things and titles, though he did put his nakama before any material possessions. I remember one time, someone insulted us and Roger wiped them, and the whole nation's army, out all by himself." Rayleigh smiled at the memory.

Shakky stood in silence as she listened to Rayleigh talk. He talked of Roger, of his nakama and of the adventures he had. And the man wouldn't stop laughing which seemed to bring a small smile to Shakky's face as she listened to him. She had rarely heard him speak of his past before, mostly because he was gone for months at a time gambling, but she hung onto his every word. With every story he told, the vision of the ruthless Pirate King she had in her mind was slowly fading away. And before long, she was beginning to think of Roger as a kind, well kind-ish, man who cared deeply for his nakama. Rayleigh told of the time they had taken out a whole fleet of ships commanded by the famous Shiki the Golden Lion and they only managed to survive because of a freak storm, when they had fought their way through the Calm Belt to get back into the Grand Line after being blown out by a hurricane, when Roger had single-handedly defeated both Monkey D. Garp, a man Shakky knew pretty well, and Fleet Admiral Sengoku. He also spoke of the time Roger had fought with Whitebeard, a man who was believed to be as strong as Roger himself, and had left him with a nasty scar on his chest. She had heard of some of the stories before, just from gossip while shopping or in the newspaper, but hearing it from someone who had actually been there made it seem all the more fantastic. Shakky's smile slipped slightly as the roaring laughter Rayleigh had slowly changed to tears.

They were running down Rayleigh's face and into the small stripped black beard on his chin as he downed yet another glass of beer. "Roger really is a great man." She took note of the present tense he was using and cast a glance at the clock behind her, it was only two fifty-eight. His voice shook as he spoke and his hand clenched tightly around the glass. "Only if he hadn't gotten sick, if he wasn't dying, we would still be out there terrorizing the world."

Shakky only nodded. She wanted to ask why, if Rayleigh looked up to him so much, he hadn't gone to see Gol D. Roger's execution to view his final moments on this earth, but she was beginning to understand why he was here instead. Roger's execution would just be a show, a way for the Government to show the people that they were the strongest in the sea that they were capable of even brining down the Pirate King and she figured Rayleigh wouldn't want to see his captain used like that.

As the clock above the bar struck three o'clock and Shakky refilled Rayleigh's glass for what seemed like the hundredth time that day, Rayleigh pressed his hand against his face. Tears dripped from his face and onto the polished counter as his shoulders shook in agony. His teeth bit into his bottom lip as a single thought ran through his mind.

_"I'm going to miss you, Roger."_

_

* * *

M- Yeah, it's kind of sad, but I have some funny one-shots on the way to make up for it :]  
_


	12. April Fools! Right?

_M- Ah, this is just something stupid I thought up while reading Mihawk's profile thingy on One Piece Wiki. _

* * *

_April Fools!...Right?_

"Captain…" An uneasy voice spoke.

"We should go back to the ship. Now. This is completely ridiculous."

"Will you two shut up? He'll hear us."

Shanks cast a disapproving glare over his shoulder at Ben Beckman and Lucky Roo before he looked forward to continue with his task. The two cast a frown at each other, they looked like they would rather be anywhere than where they were right now. What was their captain thinking?

Beckman took a drag from the cigarette dangling from his mouth to try and calm himself down as he frowned at his captain. He leaned against the doorjamb of the room as he glanced around it while Lucky Roo bit a chunk off of the drumstick in his hand with his teeth and chewed nervously.

The room they were standing in was dark, mostly because black curtains were hung over the windows to block the light out. It appeared as if no one had been in here for quite a long time because dust and cobwebs were everywhere. The wallpaper that had been glued to the walls was yellowing from age, cracking and peeling away in areas. Bookcases that reached up to the ceiling covered a majority of the walls and were filled with heavy, leather-bound books. Currently, Shanks was searching through one of these bookcases, pulling books out, replacing them and flipping through pages of a few every now and then.

Normally, Beckman was the voice of reason when it came to Shanks and his odd ideas. He had tried to talk his captain out of doing this, but his captain's mind had been set. Even Lucky Roo, who normally went along with any plan his captain had, was having doubts about this.

"What if Mihawk wakes up?" Lucky Roo whispered over to Beckman who expelled a puff of smoke from his mouth.

"Then we're screwed, aren't we?"

"Aha!" Shanks suddenly, but quietly, cried out as he pulled a thick book from one of the shelves. He held it out to show his two crewmates as a triumphant smile crossed over his face. The book was simple, it was black with golden writing on the front. It read:

_How to be a Vampire. Tips and Tricks to Keeping Your Secret. _

Yes, Shanks had this odd, very misplaced suspicion that perhaps Juracule "Hawk-Eyes" Mihawk could possibly, maybe, be a vampire. You know, the man who sailed around in a coffine, wore dark clothes and capes, looked like a hawk (Dracula was described to look like a hawk) and who just had a creepy aura around him.

Beckman rolled his eyes as Lucky Roo cast a weary glance at his captain.

"Now!" Shanks said as he tucked the book under his arm. "Onto his bedroom!" The two deadpanned as they looked at Shanks.

"Are you serious?"

"Um, Captain, you know he _is _sleeping in there right now, right?" Lucky Roo said nervously and Shanks grinned as he set the black book back on the shelf so that he could pull something from beneath his cloak. It was a stake. A real, wooden stake.

"Not for long." Shanks said with a grin as he moved past his two crewmates and out into the hall. They stared at each other in shock.

"He's not serious, is he?" Lucky Roo asked nervously.

"For once, I think he is. Captain!"

Lucky Roo and Beckman hurried down the dark and dusty hall of Mihawk's home and to his bedroom. When they reached the room, the door was open and they could see their red-headed captain lurking through the room. The two paused as they stared inside, not sure if they really believed what they were seeing.

Like the library, black curtains hung on the windows, though it was much brighter in here because of the candelabras that had been placed all around the room. There wasn't much to the room, just tables for the candelabras to sit on and Mihawk's bed, which was just a coffin placed in the center of the room.

Lucky Roo stepped into the room as he pushed past Beckman and moved towards his captain, he was going to try and stop him from doing something so idiotic. Mihawk was a Shichibukai after all. Shanks put a finger to his lips before he leaned down and lifted up the lip of the coffin.

Lying inside was none other than Mihawk himself, eyes closed as if he was sleeping, hands on his chest. Shanks smirked as he raised the stake above his head while his two crewmates looked on in horror, already they were planning their funerals.

"Take this devil spawn!" Shanks suddenly shouted, causing the two to jump violently, as he swung the stake down through the air.

Mihawk's yellow eyes flashed open.

The man shot up into a sitting position as his hand easily grabbed the stake and broke it into two. His eyes locked onto the three in the doorway and instead of saying anything, he hissed at them, fangs glinting dangerously in the light.

"He really is a vampire!" Lucky Roo cried out as he turned and fled from the room, though he began choking on the food in his mouth because he had swallowed it whole. Beckman stood in the door, he wasn't going to leave his captain behind, as much as he wanted too.

"Dahahaha!" Shanks burst into laughter, tears appearing in his eyes, and Beckman glared at the man. Of course this was all a joke. Though seeing Lucky Roo freak out like that sure was funny. Mihawk remained silent as he sat in the coffin, looking curiously between the two. "It was just a prank! April Fools!"

"You gotta be kidding me..." Beckman growled, but Shanks was ignoring him as he looked at Mihawk.

"I can't believe you actually got my letter to plan all this, Mihawk!"

"I never received a letter." The man replied with a frown.

Shanks deadpanned.

"You...What...Then..." His eyes slowly widened as he stared down at the man, the meaning of his words finally sinking in. "Run!"

Mihawk watched in mild amusement as Shanks bolted from the room while catching Beckman by the collar of his shirt and dragging him away too.

Beckman's angered shouts at his captain to let him go and Mihawk's laughter were the only things that filled the house as Shanks, Lucky Roo and Beckman ran to their boat.


	13. Seventy Candles

_M~ As per request of Hi Hikari No Kaze. ;] I know Ace may seem a little out of character in this story, but this was kind of before he became a crewmember and when he was trying to kill Whitebeard everyday haha. _

* * *

_Seventy Candles~_

The kitchen was filled with the sweet scents of cake and other pastries as Ace walked in. He glanced around curiously, biting his lip to hold back laughter at what he saw.

Men who looked like they had never smiled in their lives were covered from head to toe in flower as they mixed rather large bowls of cake mix, men, who he knew for a fact were cold-blooded killers, had looks of extreme concentration on their faces as they applied delicate lines of frosting to different layers of what appeared to be a cake. He spotted Jozu at the far end of the kitchen carrying a large layer of cake, definitely larger than Jozu himself as he moved it towards the many tables that all the Whitebeard Pirates sat at to eat their meals. What the heck was going on?

"Ace!" He looked around as someone called his name. "Over here!" At first, he didn't recognize the one who was shouting at him. The man was covered in flour like most of the others in the kitchen, frosting coating his arms and shoulders and cake mix seemed to have been baked into his hair. He raised a lone eyebrow as soon as he realized that this man was Marco.

Ace moved over, pushing his way through the other crewmembers so he could stand beside the First Division Commander.

"Um, what's going on?" Ace asked Marco in confusion as the latter threw a rather large tube of red icing that had been sitting on the long counter to another man who was calling for it. Marco looked at Ace as if he was stupid.

"What do you mean, "what's going on", eh?" Marco questioned with a frown. "It's Pop's birthday you idiot. And I need you to do something for me."

"What?" Fire-fist asked with a frown, whenever he had to do something for someone else, the results were never good. Maybe they wanted him to help cook, after all, he did control _fire_, the perfect thing for cooking a cake. Not to mention burning one too… Marco seemed as if he realized this too.

"I need you to go down to the storage area and grab the bag of candles that are there for the cake. Think you can do that, eh?" Marco asked with a smirk and Ace frowned at him.

"Yeah, I can get some stupid candles." He grumbled as he turned and fought his way back over to the kitchen door.

Needless to say, that though Ace eventually found the bag of candles and because he had only been on the ship for a few short months, it had taken him far longer than expected to find it. He had never thought the ship was so big! In a fairly bad mood by the time he had found it and made it back to the kitchen, Marco's comments and the other crews' laughter didn't serve to make him feel any better. It probably hadn't helped any that he had fallen asleep below deck either.

"What took you so long, eh?" Marco, now all cleaned up and looking like his former self again, asked with a frown when Ace had finally returned to the kitchen. He scowled at Marco as he thrust the burlap sack into Marco's arms. He noticed the cake that everyone had been scrambling to finish was already stacked up in layers and many people were applying the finishing touches of frosting. How long had he been asleep? "Got lost, didn't you?"

"I didn't get lost," Ace snapped with a frown, "I just fell asleep." Marco raised an eyebrow but he didn't say anything. Like Ace was going to admit he actually got lost on the ship.

Ace stood by as he watched the completion of the cake. It was quite impressive, and not just because of the fact it took up more than half the space of the kitchen and the topmost, and smallest, layer looked larger than most of the men standing here. It was obvious everyone had taken great care in making it. There were ten layers to the cake in all, with the main color being white while the edges were red. The red lines were made into curved and intricate designs that reminded Ace of designs he had seen on the kimonos of some rich people. He watched as they all grabbed candles from the burlap sack Marco held out and began placing them on the cake. As they finished, many people were smiling as they looked up at the cake, all impressed with their work. Ace felt slightly guilty as he looked at the cake, he was sure he had been the only one _not _to help. Not that it mattered anyway, why would he help make a cake for that Old Man?

"Alright," Marco said to the pirates gathered, "let's get this thing up on deck."

Ace frowned, how were they supposed to get it through the door? But his confusion quickly died away as the cake, and the table beneath it, suddenly shrank before him and became almost small enough that he couldn't see it. Obviously one of the crewmember's Devil Fruit abilities. Before he could look to see who it was, Marco's hand landed on his shoulder.

"Come on," Marco said as he pushed Ace back out through the door. "I'm going to have you light the cake when we get it up to Pops." Ace deadpanned.

"You're what?" He asked in shock.

"Light the cake." Marco said again with a frown and Ace could only nod. Though he felt slightly proud about the fact that he would get to light the cake, he was also slightly worried.

How was he going to light the candles without burning the cake? But he pushed the thoughts aside, he could do this. There was nothing to worry about.

Ace was nervous as he stood beside Marco and in front of Pops. His eyes darted to a young blonde man who was moving in front of the group making their way towards Pops. He was probably the one with the Devil Fruit powers. Ace then cast a glance at Whitebeard who had a smile on his face.

He was watching his sons curiously as they all filed onto the deck. He already knew what was going on, his sons always did something for his birthday, but it was different every year. Last year they had all pitched in some money to buy the finest alcohol they could find and Whitebeard had to admit, nothing had every compared to it. It had been amazing, even better when it came from his sons.

Ace watched as the cake and table suddenly began growing in the air until it was back to its normal size and sitting right in front of Whitebeard. A unison cry of: "Happy Birthday, Pops!" filled the air around them.

Marco nudged Ace in the ribs and he took a small step forward as he let out a shaky breath. _I can do this. _He kept repeating that to himself as he raised his arms and they slowly dissolved into flames. If he screwed up, everyone would kill him, simple as that. He watched as his fire, small bits of it, flew through the air and to the candles. One by one, they slowly lit up and then…

They kept lighting up one by one as Ace bit his lip in concentration. It was going good so far.

His hair ruffled slightly as the wind picked up around him and then all hell broke loose.

The wind suddenly turned into a gust, his flames, expanded by the oxygen, blew straight into the cake.

Who would have ever thought frosting was so flammable?

Ace gasped out in horror, his face paling, as the cake suddenly became a tower of fire. Everywhere around him, people were shouting to "put the flames out" because maybe the cake could still be saved, others were sending glares at Ace while ome were already brandishing weapons to kill him with. Though the shouts and anger glares slowly disappeared as a new sound filled the air and they all looked at Pops.

Pops was roaring with laughter, tears in the corner of his eyes. Ace wasn't sure what to do, run and throw himself into the ocean before the others could or join in laughing with Pops. Marco made his decision pretty clear as he glared at the young man.

"You idiot, how's Pops supposed to make a wish now, eh?"

Whitebeard placed a hand on his stomach as he laughed. These were his sons all right and the wish wasn't that important to him anyway. He had already gotten what he wanted long ago. He had a family, a dysfunctional family of course, and that was all that mattered to him.

Though he kind of had been hoping for a piece of cake.


	14. Bottomless Pits

_M- Ah, the ignorance of first-mate and captain...hehe. I thought this one was absolutely adorable. _

_And thank you to all my reviewers :]- you guys keep this stuff going  
_

* * *

_Bottomless Pits~_

Luffy had entered the small restaurant with Zoro in expectance of an amazing meal, after all, they were on a famous island known solely for its unique and excellent cuisine. Normally though, no matter where they were, the crew would always eat Sanji's cooking, mostly because it was free, but currently the cook was suffering from a terribly nasty cold so the crew had to go find their own food. Luffy saw no problem with this, after all, as soon as he was done eating he was just going to leave without paying, just like he always did when he was a kid. Zoro voiced his opinion with a frown, he didn't think it was quite right, but his words were completely lost on his captain who was already being hypnotized by the scents of cooking food that was coming from the back. Luffy took a seat at the front counter, drool visible on his face, as he sat beside a young woman who was just packing it away. He had to sit close so that the cooks would be right there with his food or so he could reach into the kitchen if he wanted too.

"If you go running in there," Zoro said in a tired warning as he sat beside his captain who was leaning forward on his stool while glancing around, "they're just going to throw you out." Luffy pouted as he plopped back down.

"What'll ya two have?" Came the gruff voice of the bartender who was standing behind the counter. Luffy's eyes lit up.

"Everything!" He cried out happily. The bartender raised a lone eyebrow as he stared at the boy.

"He's not joking," Zoro said to the man as he smirked, "this kid's stomach is like a bottomless pit." The bartender looked at Luffy with a frown as he muttered: "Not you too…"

"Oi!" The bartender called out over his shoulder. "We got another who wants everything!"

Audible groans were heard from the cooks in the back, but the smile never vanished from Luffy's face, until there was a scoffing noise from his left. He turned his head, curious.

The woman who he had sat beside was looking at him with a disbelieving frown, her dark eyes traveling up and down, scrutinizing him.

"How can a scrawny little thing like you hope to eat everything here?" She asked as she stuffed her mouth with cooked meat of some kind. Luffy watched the food vanish with a frown. Where was his food? He was hungry.

Zoro frowned at the woman, though it didn't happen often, some women they ran into actually liked to pick fights with them and they way she was talking to his captain was starting to get him stirred up. But as his eyes traveled down to her midsection, all thoughts of fighting vanished. She was pregnant or else she had eaten far more food than she should.

"Maybe you should stop eating." Zoro blurted out, after all, she was eating in a similar fashion to the way Luffy normally ate and she was packing away the same amount of food too. That couldn't be healthy for a pregnant lady right? Though he had heard that pregnant women eat a lot.

The woman turned too look at Zoro, eyes narrowed and fork halfway between mouth and plate. "Are you insinuating something, Kid?" Her voice held a dangerous bite to it and Zoro quickly realized he was treding in dangerous water. "You think I'm fat or something? Huh?" She demanded and a grin split across Luffy's face as he looked over at Zoro. His face was pale and his mouth was opening and closing rapidly as he fought for an excuse.

Pregnant women were also very, very scary too.

"Food!" Luffy suddenly cried out, saving Zoro from further glares from the women as she turned back to her own food, as the swinging doors to the kitchen opened and waiters hurried out. Luffy's spirit seemed as if it had been crushed as the waiters hurried by and to the people who were sitting at the tables behind them. "Aw, come on! I'm hungry!"

It seemed like a million years before the waiters came out with his food; at least it did to Luffy anyway. To anyone that would have listened, he would have said that he was inches from Death's door because of starvation by the time they finally got the food out to him. It consisted of two plates stacked high with steaks, bowls of rice and noodles and pitchers of water to wash it all down with.

"Is that all you can eat, Kid?" The woman beside Luffy questioned with a snort and Luffy frowned. "_I _can eat more than that." Luffy's eyes narrowed.

"Oh yeah?" He challenged. "I bet I can eat more than you!"

And so the most horrifying challenge Zoro had ever bared witness too began.

Zoro watched, his appetite quickly fading, as Luffy and the woman beside him packed away enough food to feed every Marine in the world. Scraps of food flew like shrapnel from some horrid explosion as the two shoveled food into their mouths. Those who had been sitting at the tables behind them, unaccustomed to the ways of pirates and pregnant women, fled in fear of their clothes being stained. Waiters were rushing to and from the kitchen taking back dirty plates and bringing out fresh platters for the two, each and every one of them had never seen food violated so,it was horrible. The bartender could only watch in horror as they ate, only remembering to fill the pitchers with water when the two started shouting at him. Minutes seemed like hours as people watched the two eat. They were just waiting for this show of horror to end. Finally, gasping from breath, stomach extended from vast amounts of food, Luffy spoke. Only because he had eaten everything in front of him and he was waiting for the waiters to bring out more.

"How…How can you eat as much as me? You must have a Devil Fruit ability of some kind…" He accused in gasping breaths as he looked at the woman beside him. She shoveled the last bits of food into her mouth from her plate before smiling.

"I got no special powers, Kid. I'm just pregnant." She said as she began chugging down water. Luffy nodded in understanding.

"So…you have a mysterious power then." He said while cocking his head to the side. Zoro slapped his hand against his face. Was Luffy for real? The woman looked at him in confusion while Luffy turned and leaned towards Zoro "What's "pregnant"?" Luffy questioned under his breath just as the waiters, exhausted and gasping for air, brought out more food for the two monsters. Zoro answered Luffy's question, even though he had gone back to shoveling food into his mouth and he seemed oblivious to the world.

"Really, how old are you? Being pregnant means she has a baby in her stomach." Zoro nodded though he wasn't entirely sure of his answer, that's where the baby was, right? After all, pregnant ladies had to feed their babies too, where else would the baby be?

Luffy's eyes bulged out of his sockets, hand stuck in his mouth from shoveling food in. Food spewed from his mouth as he spun on the woman and looked at her in horror:

"YOU ATE A BABY!"


	15. Addicting

_M- Ah, sorry for the long wait, haha, my muses went on vacation and they forgot to take me along. Also, I've taken to playing Pokemon again and I kind of get addicted to it and that is where the inspiration for this story comes from and I also managed to work in The Fluffy One's request so I feel quite accomplished at the moment. Warning_, _there will be a slight OOCness to a certain person here, you'll understand when you read it :]._

* * *

_Addicting_

Kid scowled as he glanced around the deck of his ship, arms folded over his chest in an angry sort of way. He watched with narrow eyes as his crewmates rushed back and forth across the deck. All of them doing the jobs that had been assigned and they were doing them well, a little too well with their captain glaring down at them. Every now and then they'd cast a confused and nervous glance up at their captain, all of them were wondering the same thing. What was he doing here?

Even Kid was wondering why he was out here. He should have been inside, plotting where they were going to go next, calculating home many people he had killed by now, gloating over his newest bounty, administering punishment to unruly subordinates… Speaking of administering punishment. Kid's scowl seemed to deepen as he looked around. Where the hell was Killer? He was the one who was supposed to be watching the crew right now, not him.

"Where's Killer at?" Kid barked out. The newer crewmates jumped at his voice and many gave stuttering unknowing answers, but only one spoke up.

"I think he's still in his room, Master Kid, he said something about being sick." The blue-haired, zombie-looking man said as he moved beneath Kid on the deck. Kid let out an annoyed sound. If Killer was well enough to talk, then he was well enough to work.

It wasn't long before Kid was beneath deck, boots slamming hard against the wooden floor as he made his way towards Killer's room. Anyone who was walking through the hallway quickly vanished as soon as they caught the sight of their angered captain and heard his boots slamming against the floor. They all knew what happened when he walked like that.

Kid came to a stop in front of Killer's door. Like most on the ship, or those lucky enough to have their own rooms anyway, had pictures and warnings of death and dismemberment if the one inside was so much as disturbed. Of course, Kid didn't have to pay any attention to these warnings, he was captain after all.

With one swift kick of his mighty boot, the door cracked and splintered with his power and slammed against the wall inside the room. He paused as he stared inside the room and the sounds of screams reached his ears.

The room was mostly dark, except for a large square of white light. It took Kid's eyes a few moments to adjust to the darkness.

Killer, very much alive and well, was sitting cross-legged before a large TV, which Kid was wondering how it was even turned on until he noticed the humming sound of a generator within the room. Killer, seeming completely oblivious to the fact Kid had just kicked his door in, remained sitting and facing the TV. In his hands he was holding the controller for a game consol. His thumbs were working like mad on it, each annoying little click slowly making his captain more and more irritated. Not to mention all the screams from the random people he seemed to be slaughtering with a machine gun and sword on the screen.

"Killer…" Kid said slowly, his voice dripping with venom. Still, he received no response from the man.

After about thirty more kills in the span of six seconds, Kid finally raised his hand as purple electricity began crackling around it. Irritation at his max.

Wood exploded on the other side of the room as the TV and rather large generator blew a hole through the wall and splashed out to sea. Kid smirked though he was still angry, but Killer remained sitting where he was, the game controller still in his hands while the game consol lied less than a foot away.

"Get up on deck and do your job, now!" Kid barked at Killer. "Or you're going to be…" Kid's voice faded as he watched Killer, whose shoulders were slowly shaking up and down. Anger erupted through Kid. "Are you laughing at me?" Kid advanced into the room, eyes narrowed. "Are you…" Again, Kid's angered voice faded, only this time a look of disgust crossed over his face. "Are you _crying_?"

"I…I didn't even save it…" Killer blubbered as tears soaked through his mask and dripped off his chin. All those long hours, sleepless nights and chugging drinks filled with caffeine just to stay awake had all gone to waste. "I… I was so close to the end… so close. Why did this happen now? WHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYY?"

Kid was frozen in silence as he watched Killer, crying over the fact he had lost his game and yelling up at the ceiling. Finally, grinding his teeth together, he shouted.

"Stop crying like a bitch and get back to work!" As if he finally realized his captain was there, Killer spun around.

"But…But my game!" He said pathetically.

With a quick move of his hand, Kid sent the controller and the consol flying out through the same hole the TV had gone through.

"NOOOO!"

Kid was speechless as Killer jumped out of the hole after his game and splashed into the sea outside. What the hell was wrong with him?

Silence was all that filled Killer's room, until a shout came from outside.

"I'll save you my precious!"


	16. And You Thought He'd Get Away

_M- Ah, I just got horrible news! They're taking all the manga off OneManga and 1000Manga! -_Insert river of tears here- _How am I supposed to read manga online now? Anyway, here's another story... _

* * *

_And You Thought He'd Get Away_

The bartender sighed as he watched the man in front of him eat the plates of food as if he had never had a proper meal in his life. Piles and piles of plates surrounded the young man in haphazard stacks and excess food covered the counter around him and even the floor. He was certain the kid was going to eat himself to death. He had already passed out once in mid-bite and face-planted into a bowl of soup, though it had turned out he had just fallen asleep. The kid would have drowned if the barman had not pulled his face out of it. Mostly, he helped the kid because he wanted all the money from the food he was eating.

Ace let out a sigh as he packed away his thirty-second plate of food and smiled at his work. He hadn't eaten that much in a while, not since he got kicked off Whitebeard's ship for practically eating everything on-board in his sleep. He had tried to tell Marco and the others it wasn't his fault because he couldn't control what he ate when he was sleep-walking, but they wouldn't listen to him. So here he was, robbing more people of very good food. Ace fanned a yawn, stretching his arms above his head as he glanced over his shoulder, looking for his escape route.

"I wouldn't run if I were you, Kid." The barman said as he glanced down at Ace.

Was this man psychic? Ace only smiled up at him as he stuck one last forkful of food in his mouth.

"Hehe, who's run—"

Ace's sentence was cut off as he turned and bolted, toppling over the stool he had been sitting on. The regular customers sitting at the tables didn't even bat an eye, as if this was something they had seen frequently. Ace glanced over his shoulder. The barman was just standing there, cleaning the glass mug in his hand. Shouldn't he have been shouting at Ace to "stop" or to give him his money?

"Where the hell do you think you're going without paying for your food?"

Ace barely registered the shout in his mind as he spun his head forward to run out the door, fork still stuck in his mouth. Before he could even take one step out of the restaurant, a fist connected with his face and his eyes widened as he was sent flying backwards. The regular costumers didn't even raise their heads as Ace slammed into the bar counter at the other end of the restaurant. Crumpling to the floor, bar stool and cracked wood falling on him, he tried to think of what just happened.

"What the hell?" Ace spit out the fork in his mouth as he covered his nose with one hand. Had someone really just _punched _him? He raised his eyes, fearing that the person in the doorway was his grandfather, after all, he was the only man, besides Whitebeard, who had ever been able to punch him like that. His eyes widened to the size of dinner plates at what he saw.

A woman, if she could ever be called that, was making her way into the restaurant, crackling her knuckles menacingly. Her red lip was curled into a snarl as dark beady eyes trained on Fire-Fist. Red curly hair seemed to be flying out around her, and in Ace's mind, flames straight from hell were surrounding her. Sweat quickly began pouring down Ace's face as he scrambled to get to his feet, pushing fallen bar stools away from him, he grabbed onto the cracked wooden counter for support.

"Told ya you shouldn't have run." The bartender said with a smirk as he continued to dry the glass mug in his hand.

"Shit." Ace murmured as the woman came to stand in front of him. Though, she was just a few inches shorter than him, he felt himself cowering away from her. Wait, what? He shouldn't have been afraid of her, she was just a puny little girl after all!

A wicked grin formed on the woman's face and Ace looked around frantically for an escape route. "Oh, you're not getting out of here that easily."

Ace's face paled. He knew it, he had entered the restaurant of the devil, he was so passed screwed now.

Anyone passing the restaurant would have sworn they heard the sound of a girl screaming in terror.

* * *

"M-May I take your order?"

Ace felt as if his pride as a man had been torn away from him, spit on, trampled over and finally been shoved through a meat grinder. He just wished he could die right now, this was past embarrassing. This was torture, torture that no man should have to go through.

"Hehe," Marco snickered as he looked Ace up and down. The other Whitebeard Pirates who had packed themselves into the small restaurant were all trying their hardest not to burst into fits of uncontrollable laughter, though some looked as if they were ready to lose their lunches. Flashes from cameras were going off through the whole restaurant. They were never, _never _going to let Ace live this down. _This _was perfect blackmail.

Ace sighed internally, his punishment wouldn't have been so bad if a good majority of his crewmates hadn't shown up too. Marco had been bad enough at first, coming to see what had happened to Ace and instead of helping him out of this mess like a _good _brother would do, he went and called everyone else too.

"Yeah, we'll take a round of beers, sweetie." Thatch said from beside Marco with a broad grin as he batted his eyelashes affectionately. Ace felt his face heat up as his hand clenched into a fist, snapping the pencil that he was holding in two.

"And cuz you're cute, we'll give you a nice tip!" Someone called out through the snickering of the other crewmembers.

_Just breathe, just breathe. This will all be over soon and everyone will forget this ever happened. _Ace kept repeating the same thing over in his mind, but it really wasn't helping. He was already searching for the nearest source of water so he could go drown himself. _Oh who the hell am I kidding? They'll never forget. I'll be tormented for the rest of my life. _

Ace, feeling as if he had sunken as low as a person could possibly sink, hung his head in shame. "I-I'll get your orders ready." Turning away from the table where Marco, Thatch, Jozu and Vista were sitting, he made his way back towards the bar counter.

That was, before someone smacked him on the ass.

"What the hell?" Ace shouted as he spun around and glared at the man as howling laughter filled the room. "I'm going to kill you bast—Ah!"

Ace's shout was cut off as a flying glass mug slammed into the back of his skull and shattered on impact.

"Don't threaten the costumers, idiot!" The woman with red hair shouted angrily from beside the barman.

"S-Sorry." Ace muttered in defeat as he turned, heels clicking against the floor and headed back to the counter. Yes, Ace was wearing heels, not only that, but a beautiful waitresses outfit too. With white lace, multiple layer skirts and even an apron, though the apron didn't seem to fit as it was bright pink in color and read:

_Kiss the Cook_.

Ace caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror behind the bar and he began crying on the inside. He swore to himself he was never going to dine-and-dash here again, he was going to go down the street next time.

Or hell, he would probably just pack his things now and move to New Kama land.

* * *

_M- I feel sorry for Ace, haha, I think I have a thing for putting him in dresses. _


End file.
